24 December, 2011 | No comments

My Future Capitalist

No. 2 Son, to his brother:  ”Do you want to buy a free paperclip?  It’s only 50 cents!”

.

13 October, 2011 | No comments

He’s Captain Underpants!

No. 1 Son:  “Mo-o-o-m!  I don’t have any underwear!”

Me:  “There’s some in the top drawer of your dresser.”

No. 1 Son:  “There’s only ONE PAIR!!”

Okay, so I need to do laundry, I think to myself.

Me:  “You don’t need to wear more than one.”

No. 1 Son:  “I don’t like the one that’s in there.”

This is the child that insists that a long-sleeved red plaid shirt, white and teal plaid shorts and lime green socks are an appropriate fashion statement.

I stare blankly at my son, who is standing hunched over like the weight of the world is on his shoulders, arms hanging down cave-man style, with his eyes half closed, lip protruding and jaw jutting out.

Me:  “Go upstairs and get dressed.”

He stomps off grumbling about how unfair and mean I am.  Only one pair of underwear.  The horror, the horror…

21 August, 2011 | No comments

Time Out on the Wrong Side of Bed

Tigger got up on the wrong side of bed this morning and earned himself a Time Out.

He got sent to the corner, where he proceeded to scream even louder.

We have a very specific procedure for Time Out.  The Offending Child has to stand with his nose in the corner and his hands behind his back.  They have to be absolutely quiet – no whimpering, no talking – and maintain The Position the whole time.

If The Offending Child is in full meltdown and refusing to co-operate I walk away and give him some time to calm down.  I don’t start the timer until he’s ready to Assume The Position, and if he moves or talks, the time starts over.

Periodically, I’ll check to see how things are going: “Are you ready to start your time yet?”

Reply:  “NO!!!”

Me:  “Okay, I’ll come back.”

How long it takes to get a “yes” depends on how stubborn the Offending Child wants to be.  Thumper once chose to stand in the corner screaming for three hours for a four minute time out.

Me:  “Are you ready to start your time yet?”

Tigger:  “I MOST DEFINITELY… AM… NOT!!!”

I had to restrain myself to keep from laughing.  “Okay, you let me know when you’re ready then.”

It always amazes me that they will spend 20x longer being stubborn and refusing to do their time that the original Time Out was for.  Eventually though, boredom takes hold, and The Position is Assumed.

“I’m ready now!”

Six minutes later, Tigger was mostly calm, but I could see that all was still not right in his world.  I resigned myself to the idea that this was going to be one of those days when, having gotten up on the wrong side of bed, no amount of Time Outs would completely cure The Grumpies.

16 August, 2011 | No comments

Joke of the Day

No. 2 Son: “Mom, why do fish swim in salt water?”

Me: “Evolution?”

No. 2 Son: “Because they’d sneeze in pepper water!!!”

:-7

3 July, 2011 | No comments

Our Future Rock Star

Thumper rocks out at Canada Day, 2011

28 June, 2011 | No comments

Many Designer Upgrades Included

Tigger: “Did you buy this ceiling?”
Mommy: “It came with the house.”

11 June, 2011 | No comments

You mean it gets used for something other than jewellery?!

Thumper is currently learning the Periodic Table, and is shocking us with how much of it he has memorized.

Daddy is testing him by asking him various questions like: “Name 5 elements that are gases,” or “Name 5 elements that are radioactive.”

One question brought an inevitably humorous response, consider what Mommy does as a profession: “What element gets used for wiring in the house?”

Thumper responded: “Silver?”

20 May, 2011 | No comments

Scientific Theories 1

No. 1 Son has a theory on why conjoined twins develop: Regular twins fight a lot while they’re growing in their mom’s tummy, so they become separated. If they really love each other then they won’t separate – they’ll stay together and have two heads and one body.

2 May, 2011 | No comments

Backwards Boy Proudly Strikes Again!

By the time he reaches 5, your child has more or less figured out how to dress himself properly. So, when he doesn’t, you can assume that he’s doing it by design rather than by accident. At least that’s how it goes with Tigger. He knows he’s supposed to put his T-shirt on with the tag on the back, his pants with the zipper on the front, two same socks and his shoes on the proper feet. And yet, he doesn’t, because he thinks it’s funny. He likes pretending that he’s Backwards Boy, budding Future Rebel and trend-setting Fashion Icon.

Most of the time, I can catch him before he goes out in public. His transformation into a Normal-looking Child is usually accompanied by mischievous giggles, and occasional howls of protest.

This morning I managed to catch the backwards T-shirt, which was turned around before being covered up with The New Sweater From Grandma. When I picked him up from school in the afternoon, I noticed that something about the way his pants were puckering just wasn’t right. Sure enough, he’d managed to put them on with the seat towards the front.

When I commented about them having been like that all day, he lowered his head, and gave me a sly little grin that betrayed his pride at having slipped one past Inspector Mom: “Too late now!”

21 April, 2011 | No comments

Quote of the Day

Tigger: “I love Daddy just enough percent!”

« Next entries